


Let's Have a Talk

by Masterless



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Jonas and Matteo finally have The Talk that they really should have had by now, M/M, Matteo is confused by he's trying, Trans Character, about Hanna, but then it, developed plot, he's learning, my boys are in love, talk about T, talk about what T does to the body, talking about fears?, this started as porn without plot, tw: mention of dysphoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 17:11:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18721399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterless/pseuds/Masterless
Summary: Matteo’s hand was still moving in his underwear, and David watched with growing arousal, blushing slightly at the sight. He’d never seen Matteo’s dick before.“Enjoying the view?” Matteo panted.“Sorry,” David said, but he didn’t feel sorry. “Can… can I touch you?”Matteo groaned low in his throat, eyebrows furrowing, and he nodded. “Please.”





	Let's Have a Talk

**Author's Note:**

> If any of this information is wrong, please tell me! I am not trans myself, so I have no first hand experience. One of my FTM trans friends explained in a lot of detail what he was going through, though, so I have a tiny little bit of knowledge that does not nearly come close to enough, and I did do research for this fic, though again, I don't know nearly enough as I should.

Matteo was laying in his bed, bundled under layers of blankets, boiling, honestly, but he didn’t care all that much. He liked being too warm, he liked being so warm he was sweating. It made him feel something, which was nice. Usually the only thing that made him feel shit was David, and he really shouldn’t be thinking about David when he was laying half naked in bed, but his thoughts took him there. His mind took him to David’s newest Instagram post, a topless photo of himself, showing off his growing abs and pec muscles, proud of his surgery scars, one arm curled up, displaying his bicep. 

Heat pooled in Matteo’s stomach, and he turned over onto his back, the blankets sliding half off him, revealing his face and part of his bare chest. He thought if the line that was slowly etching itself in David’s stomach, the definition of his muscles, leading down to a small trail of hair that traveled down into his shorts. His breathing picked up, and Matteo traced a hand down his own chest, down his own stomach, and slowly into his boxers. He started tugging on himself, hand moving sluggishly in the heat, but he gasped quietly, eyes fluttering closed, thinking about his boyfriend and his quickly transforming body. He could see it every time David came back from the gym, the muscles quickly becoming defined in his chest, arms, and shoulders. Matteo loved to run his hands over those shoulders, loving the way David shuddered under his hands, delighted at the massage and completely oblivious of the growing stiffy in Matteo’s shorts every single time. (Well, so Matteo though. David was fully aware of the effect he had on Matteo’s body, and he could even feel himself getting aroused because of his boyfriends lust.)

Matteo didn’t notice the door opening, David walking in, fresh from the gym, his hair still wet from the shower. David, expecting Matteo to still be asleep as he had been the last few days, slipping deeper into a depressive episode, ones that didn’t stop when they’d started dating but had happened less often, was unprepared for the sight in front of him. Matteo, his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open, cheeks tinted pink, with one hand in his boxers and one splayed across his chest. David’s body broke out into another layer of hot sweat, his throat becoming thick with want. He dumped his gym bag on the floor by there bed as quietly as he could, and he stripped himself down to his own boxers before slipping carefully into bed next to Matteo. 

They’d never gone this far before. David had felt uncomfortable with anything more than kissing, especially before his top surgery. And then there had been the surgery, and he had needed time to recover, so they couldn’t do more than cuddle. He knew that it was getting to Matteo, hell, it was getting to him. He knew Matteo masturbated to get rid of some of the tension between them, and David touched himself sometimes, too, thinking of his lanky blond boy, but he’d never seen it before. 

Matteo’s hand was still moving in his underwear, and David watched with growing arousal, blushing slightly at the sight. He’d never seen Matteo’s dick before, thought he had made the other boy cum before. It was unintentional, and Matteo had been extremely embarrassed about it afterwards. They had been kissing, both of them grinding against the other, and Matteo gasped suddenly, burying his face in David’s neck. David, confused as to what happened, stilled, turning his head as much as he could to look at him.

“Matteo?” he had asked.

“I’m sorry,” Matteo had mumbled.

“For what?”

“I… I just came in my shorts…”

David, involuntarily of course, had snorted, covering his mouth with a hand. “Really?”

“Ja. I’m so sorry.”

“Why?”

“I know that… you don’t really like sex, and I just kind of… I feel like I forced this on you and-“

“I’m not repulsed by sex, Matteo,” David had interrupted. “I want to have sex, just… not yet.” He reached up to stroke the back of Matteo’s head. “And being able to make my boyfriend cum, untouched, in his pants? Well, that’s a very big confidence boost.”

But right now, David wasn’t feeling quiet so cocky.

“Enjoying the view?” Matteo panted.

“Sorry,” David said, but he didn’t feel sorry. “Can… can I touch you?”

Matteo groaned low in his throat, eyebrows furrowing, and he nodded. “Please.”

David didn’t really know what to do, he’d never been with anyone before, but he reached over and placed his hand on Matteo’s chest, tracing the soft skin between his pecs, smiling faintly. He knew that Matteo was only slightly more defined than when they’d met, but he had been the one to get Matteo to the gym. He moved his hand over to one of his boyfriend’s nipples, rubbing at it softly until it was hard, leaning over to kiss the other one, hearing Matteo gasp above him. He pulled away and got up from the bed, hushing Matteo’s noise of complaint by holding up the bottle of lube that Hans had conveniently forgotten in their room all those months ago. He flipped it open and squeezed a little onto his hand, spreading it around with his fingers, as he laid back down next to Matteo.

He took a deep breath in before looking down to where Matteo’s hand had stilled in his shorts. 

“Can I touch you?”

Matteo nodded. “I already said yes.”

“I just wanted to double check.” He smiled. “Consent is key.”

Matteo was about to make some smart aleck reply, but he gasped when David’s lubed hand wrapped around his cock. His legs opened slightly, and David blushed at the total control he had at the moment. He continued in the same rhythm that Matteo had started, but he twisted his wrist when he was at the head, and Matteo gasped again, a low moan escaping his mouth. David watched, completely enamoured, heat growing between his legs, as Matteo started to squirm, a hand fisting in the sheets.

“Fuck,” Matteo grunted, his hips starting to cant up.

David looked up to Matteo face, mouth watering at the blissed out look painted across his features. He’d done that. He had made Matteo look so delicious. He was startled out of his revere when Matteo bucked his hips up once more and a warm spurt coated David’s fist. He looked down and watched as Matteo came, watched his jizz pool on his stomach.

“Holy fuck,” Matteo whispered. “Holy fuck.”

“You were quiet,” David said. “How can you be that quiet while cumming?”

“You’d learn to be quiet with my parents,” Matteo chuckled. “And my flatmates probably wouldn’t be happy to hear me, either.”

David nodded, leaning down to kiss him again, pulling the boy closer, careful to avoid the cooling cum on his stomach. They rolled over slightly, and David found himself on his back, Matteo half on top of him, hand slowly tracing down to setting firmly on his hip. David heart pounded in his chest, and he pulled away slightly.

“Everything okay?” Matteo asked.

David nodded, reaching for a tissue from the box on the floor on his side of the bed. He wiped up the mess on Matteo’s stomach and on his own hand, making a mental note to wash his hands later. One was still sticky with lube and cum.

“Thanks,” Matteo said, looking down at David, his pupils still blown. 

David nodded, his mind obviously working over something in his brain. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“You can stop if you’re uncomfortable.”

“Okay?”

David pulled back down into a kiss, feeling Matteo melt on top of him, and with his clean hand, he lead one of Matteo’s, the one he hadn’t been using to pleasure himself with, down under his own boxers. Matteo gasped against his mouth, but David’s head was swimming. His whole body was boiling, feeling his boyfriends hand down there, and because it was someone he trusted, someone who he knew wouldn’t look at him differently, he wasn’t thinking about what his body looked like. Ripples of pleasure ran over David’s body, and while there was a slight tightness to his throat, a slight feeling of dysphoria bubbling up, he concentrated on how good it felt to have Matteo’s mouth on his, to have Matteo touching him.

Matteo’s brain was completely frazzled at the moment. David was so hot and wet down there, and he didn’t really know what to do, but he must have been doing something right. It was a landscape he was completely unfamiliar with, but David was gasping and moaning beneath him, and if he hadn’t just cum, he would have been hard in seconds. He loved making David feel the way he was definitely feeling. He slipped more of his hand down into David’s boxers, his fingers slipping down and in, and David groaned loudly, his cheeks flushing brightly. Matteo continued to move his fingers in and out, kissing down David’s cheek to latch on to his neck, feeling David’s sweaty hands on his back. 

David’s orgasm was something that Matteo wasn’t expecting. He gasped loudly, his legs closing around Matteo’s hand, and his whole body shook. Matteo leaned back to watch, like David had with him, and noticed the tears in the corners of David’s eyes. In all the months that they’d been together, he’d never seen David cry.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Matteo pulled his hand away. “David, talk to me, please.”

“Nothing, it’s fine,” David gasped, his body still recovering.

“Nein, tell me. Please.”

David sighed, his body sagging against the bed, blissed out, despite the tears. “I just… I’ve never cum that hard, and… I don’t know how to explain it. It felt so good, but also… bad? I don’t have much bottom dysphoria as other trans guys, and I’ve… touched myself before without feeling too much, but with you…”

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” Matteo said. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t hurt me at all.” David raised a hand to rest on Matteo’s cheek. He was still leaning over the other boy. “I feel like… I didn’t cum like you, and… I kept thinking that I had to be careful with the hand I used to jerk you off because I had your cum on it.” He sighed. “It’s not the orgasm, because that felt fucking amazing. And you say you’ve never been around one of those before.” He chuckled slightly. “There’s just so much in my head that I wish wasn’t, when it comes to sex with you.”

Matteo leaned back to sit cross legged on the bed, keeping hold of David’s hand, pulling him to sit up, too.

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

David sighed. “If I were born the way I wanted to be, then we probably would have had sex by now. A lot of sex. Neither of us would have to be content with jerking ourselves off in locked rooms. Though,” he snorted, “you didn’t lock the door this time.” When Matteo flushed and smiled, David knew he could go on. “I couldn’t touch myself with my right hand, the one I used on you, the one I normally use, because I had your cum on it. So I decided to trust you and let you touch me. But you had cum on your stomach, too, so I had to make sure none of that would get on me.”

“Why does this matter, though?” Matteo asked. “It’s just cum.”

David paused for a moment, staring at him. He didn’t know whether or not to feel touched, or if he should be worried that his boyfriend didn’t know basic reproductive science.

“Why don’t you think it should matter?”

“Well, we’re both guys, ja?” Matteo shrugged. “Just because you have different stuff than I do doesn’t change that.”

Touched, then. And a little worried.

“You do know that I…” The words didn’t want to leave his mouth. “You do know that trans guys can still… get pregnant, though, right?”

Matteo frowned for a moment. “Ja, but… you’re on T?”

“Ja, and the risk is substantially lower, but… it could still happen. And… I don’t want to get pregnant.”

“But you’ve been in T for almost a year now.” Matteo shrugged. “Everything down there has stopped, so… shouldn’t that have stopped, too?”

“The thing is,” David said, sighing. He didn’t think this was a conversation he’d ever have, especially not right after having sex (which he would definitely think of as his first time). He wasn’t opposed to it, though, because it felt kind of nice to talk about it, and Matteo obviously wanted to know. “This thing is, there isn’t a lot of research on trans men getting pregnant after being on T for so long. Yeah, my… my period stopped six months ago, and that generally means that things down there have stopped, but it doesn’t complete rule it out.”

Matteo was quiet, frowning the way he does when he was thinking. “So… there’s always the chance that I could get you pregnant if we had, like…” he sighed, rolled his eyes, and looked in the general direction of Hans’ room, “penetrative sex.”

David laughed. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing, just… Hans keeps trying to give me sex talks, because he says he never got them himself, so he’s trying to help ‘the young gays’, as he puts it.” Matteo chuckled when David laughed again. “Thanks for, you know. Getting me off, and for explaining this to me.”

David smirked. “Thanks for getting me off,” his smile softened, “and thanks for listening. If you ever want to know anything else, then… ask. But know that sometimes I might need some time to think, or that I might not want to answer at all.”

Matteo nodded, worrying his bottom lip. “Can I ask something?”

David snorted. “Sure.”

“When I was touching you, it… first of all, it was amazing, just watching your reaction, you’re really hot.” Matteo laughed as David rolled his eyes. “It’s just… it kind of felt… like there was a… I don’t know, little dick? Down there? If that’s something I can say.” He covered his face, groaning slightly. “Just ignore me, I’m stupid.”

“Hey, nein, you’re not.” David pulled Matteo’s hands away from his face. “You’re not stupid.” David took a deep breath in, know that if it were anyone else asking, he’d be embarrassed out of his mind, wanting to run away and never come back, like when he was outed at school, but with Matteo? It was… almost natural to him to talk about this kind of stuff. “When trans guys go on T, one of the first thing they notice is lower growth. That’s when the T changes to length and shape of the clitoris.”

“So…” Matteo had his thinking frown again. “So you basically grow a dick? Like when babies are in the womb? I thought guys had to go through surgery to… have a dick?”

“They do. But the T helps to make a base for it, to… start the process.”

“It doesn’t grow much then?”

“It can grow anywhere from half an inch to three inches.” David snorted, raising his eyebrows. “If you’re lucky, that is.”

“Well, that felt like three inches?” Matteo blushed. “It did.”

David laughed again. “Ja, but I only got about an inch or so of growth. I was born with… a little bit more testosterone than normal, not too much that it would be a problem, but… enough that it would do stuff to my body. I was born with a bigger clitoris than most girls.” David snorted. “I found that out when I was nine. My friends were all so intrigued by their changing bodies that they wanted to see everyone else’s, so… we all stripped down and looked, and they all said mine was bigger. Which made me insanely happy at the time, and I had no idea why until a few years later.”

“Like a dick measuring competition.”

David laughed. “Ja. Did you ever…?”

“Ja.” Matteo smirked. “The first and only time I saw Jonas and Carlos’ dicks, and the only time I ever wanted to see Carlos’ dick.”

“Not Abdi?”

“We didn’t know him yet.”

“Wait.” David narrowed his eyes at Matteo. “The only time you wanted to see Carlos’ dick, but not Jonas’?”

Matteo blushed. “I had a crush on him since I was ten until… well, until I met you. I knew that nothing would come of it, but… I wanted it so badly.” He had tears in his eyes now. “Hanna told me that she’d cheated on Jonas, and… I told the girlfriend of the guy she’d kissed. She then told the whole school, and… they broke up. I wanted Jonas to be mine so badly that I broke up the only relationship that he had ever been truly happy in, at least at the beginning.”

David leaned back against the wall, feeling the cool plaster against his bare back, a small part of his brain reveling in the fact that he wasn’t wearing a binder and that he was flat chested, but the majority of his brain was processing what Matteo had said.

“Does he know? Do either of them know?”

Matteo shook his head. “Hanna knows, but… not Jonas. He’d hate me. I… I don’t have a crush on him anymore, I promise, but… I don’t think I’d be able to handle him leaving me. Him not being my friend anymore.”

“Do you think that… it would be better to tell him or to not tell him?”

“I don’t know. He’s still so in love with her, and it would remind him that she cheated, but he would know that I’m the reason he was in so much pain. She wasn’t going to tell him, no one was going to tell anyone, and then… I did.” Matteo rubbed the tears from his face and chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “How did we get from T to my shit?”

“Conversations grow organically, Matteo.” He held out his arms. “Come here.”

Mattie curled himself into David’s arms.

“Do you hate me?” Matteo asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Hate you? Why would I hate you?”

“Because I’m a shitty person.” He sniffled. “Because I’m-“

“Because you made mistakes?” David sighed. “I mean, I definitely don’t like what you did, but… it’s in the past now. Just think about it. You can’t go back and change it, so why try?”

Matteo nodded.

“I do, however, think that you should tell Jonas.”

Matteo nodded again.

 

*

 

Matteo was sitting in a bench in the park, unusually exposed, in only a loose tank top and shorts, sandals on his feet and sunglasses shading his eyes. It was a hot day and he didn’t feel like putting on jeans. Jonas smirked at his best friend, shaking his head. David was a good influence on his life. He’d stopped smoking, he’d cut down on his drinking, he'd finally learned to use a hair brush, he’d gone to a therapist about his depressive episodes, and, the thing that amazed Jonas the most, David had even gotten Matteo to go to the gym. 

“Hey,” he called on his way over. “Sup?”

“Hey,” Matteo answered, his smile a little forced.

Jonas sat down next to him, frowning. “What’s up?”

Matteo sighed. “I need to tell you something.”

“Oh, shit.” Jonas put a hand on Matteo’s shoulder. “Did you guys break up? Do I need to go find David and drag him back? Because I will.”

“Nein,” Matteo laughed. “We didn’t break up. But… this is about you and Hanna breaking up.”

“Is this about you telling Sam’s girlfriend?”

Matteo blinked at him. “Ha? How did you know?”

Jonas sighed, leaning back against the bench and looking out at the playground. “Do you remember when we were small enough to play here? When we were genuinely small enough to fit into all of those climbing structures and small enough that our feet didn’t touch the ground when we were on the swings?”

“Ja?”

“We made a promise, when we were that small. That no matter what we did, we wouldn’t hold it against each other or hate each other. Do you remember?”

Matteo was quiet for a moment. “I do.”

“Hanna told me what you’d done. It was after Mia and Alex got together but before you met David. She was trying to be as open as possible about what happened and it just sort of came out. ‘Matteo was the one who told his girlfriend, he was the one that made it go public’. I was pissed off, but… I remembered the promise I made to you, and I started to think. Why would you do it? Why would you purposefully ruin the only good thing in my life at that time? I mean, after the breakup, I got closer to you and Carlos, and we met Abdi, but I was still fucking depressed about Hanna. And when I was getting better, when we were becoming friends again?” He sighed through his nose and looked over to Matteo, who had tears in his eyes. “I find out that my best friend since I was a toddler had exploded this story of my girlfriend cheating on me. I couldn't figure out why.”

“Jonas…”

“Let me finish.” Jonas took in a deep breath. “The reason I asked, when you came out, if it was me that you liked was because I knew it was. Before you met David, I mean. I figured it out.” He smiled ruefully at Matteo. “And bro, you really need to close all the porn pages on your phone before you let someone borrow it.”

Matteo put his head in his hands, groaning.

“So, ja, I already knew, and I knew that you liked me. I was still pissed, though, thinking that it wasn’t a good enough reason. I kept thinking, however, and realised that it was. I almost… paraded my relationship with Hanna in front of you, I broke promises with you for Hanna, I left when we were hanging out for Hanna. I basically abandoned my own best friend for a girl.” He smiled. “A beautiful, amazing girl, but a girl nonetheless. I understand jealousy. Whenever I would see Sam in the halls, I’d want to punch his lights out because of how jealous and hurt I was.” He sighed again. “But then I was thinking… neither of us were really happy about our relationship, from the very beginning. Neither of us liked it that we were going behind Leonie’s back. She didn’t like it that I changed when I hung out with you guys. I didn’t like it that she didn’t have any friends, that she was always wanting to spend time with me. And then, I didn’t even like it when she got friends, because that when things really started to go down hill for us. So it’s not your fault that we broke up.”

Matteo frowned. “How is it not my fault?”

“We were going to break up anyway.” Jonas shrugged. “From the minute we first kissed, hidden in a fucking closet at a party at Leonie’s house, we were going to break up. It felt so fucking real, like I’d found the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with, but we weren’t meant to be.” He smiled at Matteo. “I forgive you. And it isn’t your fault. How could I stay mad at you, with that dopey smile? Half the time you look stoned and half the time you look sad. I couldn’t stay mad at you for anything for very long.”

“Nein?”

“Nein.”


End file.
